Fred and Geoge:Jokes and stuff
by silverwolv20
Summary: Its not really a story but more on jokes by fred and george.(Coudnt think of any thing else)R&R Chapter 5 is up!Really funny!!! Draco fans, be prepared for a chapter so ...........! NO OFFENSE TO DRACO AND HIS FANS!!!!! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW
1. Fred's jokes

NotE: If any of you think I copied this, I didn't. It was purely my idea.  
  
DiscLaiMer: I may not have written all of the jokes but I had the idea to borrow it from Mr. J. Leeming and Ms./Mrs. Hoke. I'm borrowing it from them like I'm borrowing Fred and George from J.K.Rowling.  
  
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Fred And George: Book Of Jokes Part 1 - Fred's Jokes.  
  
One night Fred came home with a black eye  
George: "Fred who gave you that shiner?"  
Fred: "My girlfriend"  
George: "I thought she was out of town?"  
Fred: "That's what I thought too"  
  
George: "I heard Alicia say that you kissed her last night"  
Fred: "I didn't! And besides, she promised not to tell!"  
  
Fred: A girl named Dorothy, age six, was watching as her mother was putting cold cream on her face and asked "What's that for Mom?"  
"It's face cream to make me beautiful"  
A little while later, after the cold cream had been removed, Dorothy looked at her mother for a minute, shook her head and said sadly "didn't work, did it mom?"  
  
Ginny: "Fred! Wake up! I heard a mouse squeak"  
Fred: What do you want me to do? Get up and oil it?  
  
Fred: "I saw a baby that gained ten pounds in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk"  
George: "Really? Whose baby was it?"  
Fred: the elephant's"  
  
Mrs. Weasley just got a beautiful skunk coat as a gift from Fred this Christmas  
Mrs.Weasley: Thank you dear, but I can't see how a nice coat comes from such a foul-smelling beast  
Fred: I don't ask for thanks Mom, but I do think I deserve respect.  
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Hope you had a bunch of good laughs. Please Review. Chapter 2:George's Jokes :):):):):):):):):):) 


	2. George's jokes

Note: Hello to every one. Welcome to Chapter 2 George's Jokes. So sit back, read, relax, and review.  
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Fred: "Who is your Girlfriend voting for?"  
George: "Whoever I'm voting for."  
Fred: " So who you voting for?"  
George: "She hasn't decided yet"  
  
A music professor saw George carrying a long music case  
Professor: "George, I see you bought a saxophone."  
George: "No, I just borrowed it from the man next door."  
Professor: 'But why didn't you. You can't play it can you?"  
George: "No, but neither can the man next door."  
  
George visiting the aquarium, asked an attendant "Can you tell me if I could get a live shark here?"  
"A live shark" said the attendant "What ever could you do with a live shark?"  
"Well, our neighbor's cat has been eating my gold fish and I want to teach him a lesson" said George  
  
Doctor: "What would the first thing you do if you had rabies and could die any second"  
George: "I'd ask for a pencil and paper"  
Doctor: "To make your last will?"  
George: "No, to make a list of people I want to bite"  
  
George: "I saw a man strike a girl today"  
Fred: "What did you do?"  
George: "I walked up to him and said 'Only a coward would hit a woman- why don't you hit a man?'"  
Fred: "Then what happened?"  
George: "That's all I remembered"  
  
"You know, I think everyone should divide their worldly goods with the other fellow" said George.  
"That's a good idea. If you had two hundred galleons, Would you give me half?" asked Fred.   
"Sure I would"  
"If you had two cars, would you give me one?"  
"Of course I would."  
"If you had two shirts, would you give me one?"  
"No." said George  
"Why not?" asked Fred  
"Because I HAVE two shirts"  
  
Hope you had even more good laughs. Catch Chapter 3:More of Fred and George's Jokes. PLEASE REVIEW!!! :):):):):):):):):):) 


	3. more of Fred and George's jokes

NOTE: Chapter 3 is up. Some jokes maybe lamer than usual but don't get me wrong, its hard to think of jokes.  
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Fred: "I'm gonna give you two minutes to take back what you said"  
George: and What if I don't take it back in two minutes???"  
Fred: "Then I'll give you longer"  
  
Fred: "That cake you're eating looks good"  
George: "It IS good"  
Fred: "It makes my mouth water"  
George: "To show you how much a good guy I am, here's a pail"  
  
Oliver: "Sorry- I forgot your party the other evening"  
Fred: "Oh, weren't you there?"  
  
Fred: "I'm falling in love and I think I should go to a palmist or a mind reader. Which do you suggest?"  
George: "You'd better go to a palmist- you know you've got a palm."  
  
Fred: "What did you get that silver medal for?"  
Ginny: "For singing"  
Fred: "What about that big gold medal?"  
Ginny: "For stopping"  
  
Alicia: "I like George, he's different from other boys."  
Katie: "Different? How?"  
Alicia: "Well, he's willing to go out with me"  
  
Ron: "Mom, do you remember the vase that you have always worried I would break?"  
Mrs. Weasley: "Yes. What about it?"  
Ron: "Your worries are over"  
  
George: "Dear, may I see you pretty soon?"  
Angelina: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"  
  
George: "Did you take my toothpaste?"  
Fred: "No, why would I take it. My teeth ain't loose?"  
  
Hope you still have enough laughs for Chapter 4. Coming up! R&R!! :):):):):):) 


	4. fred and george's jokes:chapter 4

Note: It's Chapter four. Sorry I updated so long.  
  
Disclaimer: I think you already read that but just to remind you I do not own Fred, George and the rest  
  
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Fred: "Well how do you like my game?" Quidditch Pro: "It was okay but I still prefer Quidditch"  
  
George: "I had a dream last night that I had invented a new type of breakfast food and I was sampling it when I-" Fred: "Yes, What happened George: "Then I woke up and found a corner of the mattress gone"  
  
Fred: "Did you know that Mrs.Spitz had triplets and two weeks later she had twins." George: "That's impossible! How can that happen?" Fred: "well, one of the triplets got lost?"  
  
George: "What's bad luck when it crosses your path, crosses your path,, crosses your path, crosses your path,(x100)?" Fred: "What?" George: "A black centipede."  
  
Fred: "Why didn't the witch take a bath?" Hermione: "Why?" Fred: "Because she liked to cast smells"  
  
George: "My country friend is asking if he should get a tractor or a cow. What do you think he should get?" Fred: "Well, he would look real silly riding a cow." George: "But he would look a lot sillier if he milks a tractor."  
  
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Hope you had a bunch of good laughs. Don't forget to Review. PLSSSS!!!:) :) 


	5. Malfoy's SO UGLY

A/N: Chapter 5 at last! Sorry for the long delay! Any way, here it is! Read and review!  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own none, please don't sue!  
  
Warning to all Draco fans: I do not mean to embarrass or hurt Tom Felton in any way! This is just from the Weasley's point of view as in the book! Please don't flame for that! I have nothing against Draco. If you didn't understand, STOP READING NOW!!  
  
  
  
Well, here it is....  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 5  
  
  
  
Malfoy's so ugly when he joined the ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly just after he was born, her mother said "Oh, what a treasure!" and her father said, "Yeah, now let's go bury it."  
  
Malfoy's so ugly they push his face into dough to make gorilla cookies.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly they didn't even give him a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly when he walks into a bank, they turn the surveillance cameras off.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly his mom had to be drunk to breast feed him.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly his mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with his.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly when he walks down the street people say, "Damn, is it Halloween already?"  
  
Malfoy's so ugly the government moved Halloween to his birthday.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly they pay him to put his clothes on in a strip club.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly he made an onion cry.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly he tried to a bath but the water jumped out.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly on Halloween she Trick or Treats via phone.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly he turned Medusa to stone.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in his shower.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly people go as him for Halloween.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly The NHL banned him for life.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly, when he looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back shaking it's head.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly, he looks like his face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly, the last time I saw something that looked like him, I pinned a tail on it.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly, people at the circus pay money not to see him.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly, he looks like he got hit with a bag of "What the fuck?!?!"  
  
Malfoy's so ugly, he'd scare the monster out of Loch Ness.  
  
Malfoy's so ugly, his pillow cries at night.  
  
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Hoped you liked it! I'm still thinking what would be a good chapter 6, so if you have any ideas, tell me! Please review!! 


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